Burning fire

I am home. Even though I am surrounded by familiar faces, I still feel like a stranger, struggling to pick up from where I left off and relearning the way things are done here all over again. I thought it would be different this time since most of my friends are back, but I can't help but think of NYC. This feeling of uneasyness and awkwardness befounds me. Maybe it is the carefree lifestyle (that I will have to eventually give up), or the very fact that being so far away means avoiding all the problems back home or just the simple thought of his very existence that keeps me bonded to NYC, but regardless, I dread the day I have to leave the city that I fell in love in and with and lug my suitcases back to reality. It's almost like NYC has become my new home. I feel like I belong there, like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle that fits. Ironically, I am surrounded by a sense of calm and tranquility amidst the hustle and bustle of the city.


I still think about him frequently. I wonder if he hears me and sees the things I see. I wonder if he is doing well and if he is in a better place. It's like a burning fire that I cannot put out, a ghost that haunts me every single day and night, and a perpetual shadow cast upon me. Unfortunately, the only thing I can do is to repress and bury those thoughts. Someday, I will be able to move on. Today is just not the day.